And It Begins

So I just had my first real pang of anxiety since all of this "my husband joined the military" madness began. I was sitting here reading blogs of seemingly "normal" families (read: non-millitary/civilian families) when it hit me.

The thoughts went a little something like this-

Average Wife: I would love to start doing some of the cute things together that they do.
Military Wife: We can't right now.
Average Wife: Ohhh, I'd love to redecorate... that dish set would be perfect for.....
Military Wife: Wait, we can't right now.
Average Wife: When the kids are in school next week the hubs and I should..
Military Wife: We'll be in different states next week...
Average Wife: Ahhh, that's such a cute Bed & Breakfast, maybe for my birthday...
Military Wife: He won't be here for my 30th Birthday in January....
Average Wife: The Hubs could totally take our son camping at this cool place.....
Military Wife: We can't right now....

It all came in at once at that last one. When I realized our son wouldn't have any bonding time with his father in the forseeable/planable future. It snowballed from there. My house wouldn't be my house anymore. We won't be living in the same state together. I'll be a guest in somebody elses home with my children for an entire school year. I'll have to be Mom & Dad all at once. The disciplinarian and the soft shoulder all at once. There is no more comfortable home to make our own. No romantic evenings we sneak after the kids have gone to bed.

I've always been able to calm down the butterflies. I just tell myself it will be fine and may isn't that far away. Even when I remember that he could be deployed right away and it will be a over 18 months before we'll have something resembling normal again I think I just push the thought away and I'm fine.

But I can't push this one away and I feel like I want to throw up.

Lord give me strength.